Does a Chris Brown & Rihanna Reconcilation Set a Bad Example?

Photo Courtesy NY Daily News

I don't usually judge other peoples relationships.  But when it comes to Chris Brown and Rihanna, I have throw in my two sense.  There have been numerous reports that the two may be back on again.  For those of you who may be new to this story, let me fill you in.  The R&B singers made headlines  as a result of a physical altercation that left Rihanna badly brused on the eve of the Grammys in 2009. According to a NY Daily News article, they were recently spotted sneaking off into NYC club bathroom together.  The songstress even admitted to still being in love with Brown in a recent Oprah interview.

As a girl who's been in her situation, I completely understand how hard it is to walk away.  But, I also feel that these love birds are going down the wrong path.  Many may disagree with me and that's ok.  However I strongly believe that as a woman, Rihanna is setting a bad example.  There are other young girls who may be going through similar situations and I feel that Rihanna is basically saying it's ok to go back to the guy who beat you.  Despite my distaste, I do feel sorry for the both of them.

Brown stated in his Larry King interview that he witnessed abuse inside the home as a child.  Rihanna also admitted to growing up seeing her mom being hit by her dad.  The one common denominator is that they both witnessed abuse as kids, and that's sad.  A healthy relationship begins at home and I strongly believe that it starts with the parents.

I am so thankful that my hubby and I have a healthy relationship.  I can't front though.  There are times when we argue.  But, it's normal to have disagreements.  The important thing is that we work through them for our family's sake.  Our daughter looks up to us.

We plan to have an open dialogue with her, especially when it comes to subject matters like this.  Princess has a while before she starts dating.  But when she does, we're gonna teach her that no one has the right to put their hands on her.  If they do, there will be consequences.

I was able to walk away.  I hope both Rihanna and Chris Brown can one day do the same.

Do you think a Chris Brown and Rhianna reconciliation sets a bad example for our youth? Do you think that she should just forgive and forget?

Weather Anchor Mama

What if Your Daughter is Closer to Daddy?

I knew this day would come! I'm always being asked if my daughter is closer to my hubby.

Interracial hate-crimes are far from over

I get asked all the time if I'd ever consider moving out of state, and I usually have a hard time answering that question.  Here's why...

Reading this NY Daily News article confirmed to me that the world is far from being a bed of roses.  In fact, this story is a nightmare come true.  A young white man innocently walking to a party with his black girlfriend in Georgia gets jumped by three black guys.  It's crazy to think that this kind of thing still happens.  But, I can't say that I'm totally surprised.  My hubby and I still get looks when we go out.  We still hear the 'why are they together' whispers too.

Now that it's the three of us, we get those weird (sometimes offensive glances)  followed by a neck break to see what our kid looks like in the stroller.  Since we live in New York, there is a certain level of comfort because we know the area, and we know the people in our neighborhood.  My hubby and I have talked about relocating.  Then we snap back to reality.  The idea of starting all over in a totally different hood or state is scary.  I do realize this particular hate crime an isolated incident.  It could happen anywhere.  But with a child, we have to be super careful.

I've had a similar conversation with a friend who also married outside of her race.  This couple has a beautiful daughter.  She's expressed to me that she's not concerned about the racial issue.  This family lives in the south and I find it interesting that she doesn't seem concerned at all.  I remember her saying that the world is changing, and she feels that her daughter won't have to go through racism.  I admire her positivity.  We shouldn't live in fear, but I still can't understand why she'd not worried.  While I agree that the world is changing, these kinds of hate crimes are far from over.

For those of you who beg to differ, make sure you read that Daily News article and watch the video too.  There are no hate-crime laws in Georgia, and that needs to change.

Oh, and just because we have a biracial president, doesn't mean a damn thing.

Weather Anchor Mama

What if Someone Called Your Baby Ugly?

Tia Mowry, Cory, & Cree Hardrict YBF

I'm a lover not a fighter.  But if someone calls my baby ugly, then it's time to take off my jewelry and break out the vaseline.  Lucky for me, I've only heard sweet things about my baby girl.  However, not everyone can say the same.  I recently came across this article on Babycenter, where the author criticizes people for making harsh comments about Tia Mowry-Hardrict's son, Cree.  It's seems unreal for people to be so rude.

Here are just some of the comments posted on YBF:

"The baby looks like a little old man. It's not his fault though, his parents chemistries just didnt mix together well."

"that kid's head is beyond massive. damn."

"That baby is beyond ugly. People have the right to say how they feel. The kid is ugly but then again so is the father."
Tia is obviously a lady of class.  She responds to those naysayers on her Facebook page:

“It’s disgusting that some focus on looks. I brought a beautiful child into this world” – Tia Mowry.

She gets mad props for sounding off and defending her child on Facebook.  Even though I've never been in this situation, it does hit a soft spot.  As a mom, I'll do anything to protect my child.     I'll admit- some babies are cuter than others.  I've seen babies who I wouldn't consider adorable.  Take it from this former ugly baby (so I've been told), verbally assaulting a child is not cool.  If you don't feel a kid is cute, just don't say anything.  You can always stick with comments like:

"God bless him/her."

"What a precious baby!"

You can also focus on beautiful features by saying things like, "She has beautiful eyes."

As an infant, I remember people saying how much they adored Princess's head.  Someone also couldn't stop talking about how much they loved the back of her neck.  I appreciated those compliments.  They could of said, "Dam, she's bald!!  But, they focused on her beautiful assets.  FYI, there's nothing wrong with being bald.  I am a former baldy. 

As for Tia's baby Cree, I happen to think he's a cutie pie.  To say anything insulting is just heartless.  Just think- would you want your child growing up and reading these negative opinions?

Has anyone ever called your baby ugly?

Weather Anchor Mama  

When a Stranger Compares Our Kids

I've realized that some people will say the weirdest things.  When they do, I usually smile and keep it moving.

What bugs me is when a complete stranger compares my kid with their kid.  A woman says to me, "your daughter is a little lady."  I respond, "thanks, so is she," (referring to the toddler she is with.  I don't know if there's any relation between them).  Then the conversation took a turn for the weird.

Lady: "No she's not a lady.  She's rough around the edges."

I find it strange when people diss their own kid (in this case, I'm not sure their of relation).  She goes on to say:

Lady: "She'll play football. Your daughter will do dance."
Me: "Oh."  (What else was I suppose to say?)
Lady: "She'll play the drums.  Your daughter will play the violin."

Me: Silence.  I'm getting annoyed. But, I smile and remain composed.

Lady: "She's a tomboy.  You daughter is a girly girl.  She'll want to paint her nails."

Me: Silence. Okay, I've had enough!

I don't think this woman means any harm.  But, it's just a weird conversation.  We've never met before, and she feels compelled to start drawing comparisons between the girls?!  My take- just let kids be kids.  They are here to have fun!  Who cares about what their gonna be doing years down the road?  They're only toddlers.  Besides, I don't even know you!

For the record- if Princess wants to play the drums, then she'll play the drums and anything else she wants to do (within reason of course).  She's way too young for me to put her in any sort of category and I'm her mom.  So when a complete stranger does it, it's just inappropriate and uncomfortable to listen to.

How do you feel about people comparing your kid to theirs?

Weather Anchor Mama

Are You An Agist?

I read a post the other day that got me asking the question, am I an agist?

The author reveals how she feels less valuable or even invisible in her 50s, than in her 20s and 30s.  She asks why a person would you ask another "'newbie' for advice instead of older women who have been there/handled that?" She also questions why she's often ignored by younger women.  This post makes me think about my own actions and how I view the older women in my life.

I can't front, there are times when I'd have a question about something baby related, and I'd call up a friend.  I don't avoid calling my mom on purpose.  The only reason why I do it is because it’s great to compare notes with someone who’s going through the same things at the same time. It’s sorta like taking the same class. So much has changed since we were babies. There are new health codes, recalls etc.  A lot of my questions are also geared toward post millennium stuff.

I know that my mom is there when I need her.  She's also takes care of Princess every day.  If she's sick, Grandma offers suggestions.  But she doesn't overdue it, and I appreciate that.  My mom has done a great job raising the four of us, and now it's time for me to be a mommy.  I won't claim to know everything.  I may stumble along the way, and that's okay.

If ever I need advice about anything, I know that I can hit up the women over 50 in my life - who have all been there/handled that.

Do you prefer to get advice from your mama peers or midlife mamas?

Weather Anchor Mama 

Mourning a Mom's Loss

I can't lie.  There have been times when I unknowingly fall asleep for a few minutes while Princess  quietly plays next to me.  I remember feeling startled and guilty upon waking up to find her safe and sound.  What if something happened to her?  I would never forgive myself.  Unfortunately, this kind of thing does happen.  In fact, one mom fell asleep for more than three hours.  She woke up and realized her kids were missing.

It didn't take long for police to find her sons lying in the bottom of a neighbors pool.  Apparently, the two boys snuck out of the house, climbed the neighbor's gate, and ended up drowning next door to their own home. When I first heard this story, I thought of that time I closed my eyes for a second.  As it turned out, I only dosed off for about fifteen minutes.  Even though Princess was ok, I felt horrible.

I can only imagine what this family must be going through.  There are some who may think this mom was careless or stupid for leaving her kids unattended.  But, my heart goes out to her.  What if she'd been working a double shift to keep a roof over her family's head.  I don't know her situation, so it's hard for me to blame her.

I work long hours.  There are times when I wonder how I manage to keep my eyes open.  The theme of my blog is balancing career and motherhood.  Between work, school, and taking care of Princess it leaves very little time for sleep.  There are so many other moms like myself, who grapple to find balance.  No one should judge this mom.  We should keep this family in our thoughts and prayers.

Here's the story in case you missed it.

Do you think this mom was at fault or was this just a freak accident?

Weather Anchor Mama

They Sent My Baby Home in a Dirty Diaper

One of the toughest parts of being a working mom is having to leave my child in someone else's hands.  I've always been happy with Princess's daycare.  The teachers have been attentive, and she's made some friends.  As is usually the case, there are there are times when I'd find unexplainable bruises.  I normally chalk it up to tots being tots.  Children play and get bumps all the time.  As long as she doesn't need stitches, I'm ok.  Most importantly, she's ok.  However I couldn't contain my anger, after getting a disturbing phone call from my mom.

Side bar: my mom usually freaks out about Princess not having her hat.  It could be 75 degrees with a UV index of 3 (which means very little sun), and dry weather.  She still wants Princess to have a hat along with a sweater, just in case.

But when she tells me about Princess's diaper being wet, I'm the one that freaks out.  Apparently, she hadn't been changed in hours.  Her diaper was so full that it leaked onto her onsie and bloomers.  The worse part is that this would be the second day in a row of "dirty diapergate."  In this record heat that we've had in the last couple days?  Bump that!

This is one of the outfits she wore 

Before my mom could even finish explaining, I hang up and call her daycare.

"To have a toddler in a dirty diaper, leaking everywhere is not ok."  The lady I spoke with apologizes profusely and says she'll have a talk with the person responsible.   I know Princess regular teacher leaves early in the day.  So, I don't know who dropped the ball.

At the end of the day, my baby is ok.  It just sucks!  Being away from her and having to work can be tough, especially when things like this happen.  I guess one can never have the perfect balance.

Just to let you know, it ain't over.  I'm gonna have to go in and have another chat to make sure this doesn't happen again.  "I don't play dat!"

What would you do?

Weather Anchor Mama

Amanda Bynes Charged With DUI

TMZ

It broke my heart when I read that former Nickelodeon star turned fashion designer, Amanda Bynes, had been charged with one count of misdemeanor  DUI, according to TMZ.  It's also alleged that she was involved in a couple hit and run accidents, which she hasn't been charged.

  The starlet took to twitter with this message to President Obama:

Hey @BarackObama... I don't drink. Please fire the cop who arrested me. I also don't hit and run. The end.
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) June 5, 2012

I've had the pleasure of interviewing Bynes on a couple of occasions.  You can't know everything about a person in such a short time.  But, she seemed to be a sweet girl with a good head on her shoulders.  While Paris Hilton and Britney Spears were in the news every other day about something scandalous, she was busy acting and promoting her clothing line. During my chat with Bynes, I remember asking her about how she avoided pitfalls so many other young celebs find themselves in.   She answered the question with conviction.  This young lady was about her business.  Now that she's wrapped up in this DUI scandal, it makes me wonder.  How can these young celebrities stay clean and out of trouble?

Bynes has clearly denied drinking under the influence, and says that she can prove her sobriety.  According to Page Six of the New York Post, she plans to have friends testify on her behalf, and also provide camera footage.  The star allegedly refused a breathalyzer test initially, but later tested negative at the station.  Some have claimed she has been a bit out of it.  I hope for her sake that this has all been a misunderstanding.

Here's a link to my interview with Amanda Bynes.

Do you believe Amanda Bynes was sober?  What are your thoughts on young Hollywood, and the example they set for our little ones?

Weather Anchor Mama

Assaulted at a Mom & Pop Shop

Ok, I'll admit that I can be annoying.  I have a tendency to question things.  I am also quick to speak up when something or someone is wrong.  Does it make me a bad person?  Does it make me disrespectful or crazy?  Well, apparently some may think so.

I often visit this local Korean spot in my old neighborhood.  You know, the little market that sells all the fruits, veggies, fish, and Caribbean stuff.  It's where I purchase all my Jamaican food and spices.  On our way home, my hubby and I decide to stop off at the little shop that my family and I have frequented for years.  I want to pick up some great nut ice cream, one of Princess's favorite flavors.  When I get there, the lady says they are all out.  I end up buying a few things there anyway, and convince my hubby to stop by the other store (owned my the same family).  Hey, if one doesn't have great nut ice cream, maybe the other one would.

We get there just by the skin of out teeth.  It's almost Princess's bed time and want to give her a little treat before hitting the sack.  I go to the back of the store, open the freezer, and I see the container of ice cream staring back at me.  I bring it to the counter, whip out my debit card to pay for it.  Instead of ringing me up, the lady points to the sign and says in broken English "Ten dolla!" Being the inquisitive and outspoken person that I am I question the reason for the minimum purchase.

"I've been coming here for years.  There was never a minimum charge to use a debit card.  When did this happen?"  I ask.

With an attitude she repeats, "Ten dolla, debit!"

I respond half joking/half serious, "I feel like I'm on a show.  I'm seriously having a Seinfeld moment."

A customer begins to defend the lady by telling me to read the sign.  "I have no trouble reading.  I can read the sign just fine.  They aren't allowed to do this" I reply.  I also tell the guy to mind his own business.  That's when things get heated.

The guy then says to me,"You're f******* crazy."

I couldn't believe my ears.  It becomes a three on one match up.  Even though I am out numbered, I thank god my hubby and daughter are in the car.  I wouldn't want her to see this and I know how my hubby can get.  In the midst of all this I try to tell them that I'm not there to argue.  I just don't remember there being a minimum required purchase to use a debit or credit card.  Then the lady tells me to give back the items (after my purchase).  I tell her it's ok.  There's no need to return them.

I'm here thinking she's so annoyed by me that she wants her stuff back.  She then comes from behind the counter, grabs me, and rips the bag from out of my hands.  I couldn't believe it!  By this time the disrespectful customer has already made his exit.  It's just me, the lady, and her son (who speaks perfect English).

So many different thoughts are racing through my head.  "Why are you doing this?" I ask.  After what seems like an eternity, I look at my receipt which read invalid and everything started to add up.

I unknowingly entered the wrong pin.  It's an honest mistake on my part.  But, there's no reason for her to put her hands on me.  I feel so violated.  In this struggling economy I do my best to support the local mom and pop shops.  It wouldn't be fair to pull the race card because the customer who cursed at me is a black Jamaican (like myself).  Although the woman doesn't speak English, her son does and could have translated.  After giving them a piece of my mind, I leave the store in tears.  What makes things worse is that my daughter hears be crying in the back seat, and then begins to cry.  It breaks my heart!

I'd like to think this is all a misunderstanding.  But, I don't think I'll be going back there anymore.  The next time I want great nut ice cream or any thing else Caribbean, I'll just hit up C-Town.

I may have a tendency to questions things, but it doesn't make be a bad person.  I just speak up for what I believe in and there's nothing wrong with that.

****UPDATE****
After contacting consumer affairs to investigate the matter, I received this note of apology from the Korean mom and pop shop.  The moral of this story is always stand up for what you believe in and you'll get results.  I still don't think I'll go back to this place, though.

Weather Anchor Mama

Gwyneth Paltrow Says the N-Word

Beyonce, Jay-Z, Gwyneth yahoo.com

It's no secret that Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce, and Jay-Z are besties.  But when I read a recent article on yahoo.com that Paltrow tweeted the n-bomb when referring to a photo of the hip hop power couple, I cringed.  Then I thought, there must be some mistake.  I couldn't imagine her saying, writing, or even  thinking the n-word.  I for one have never used it.

Growing up it was cool to call each other the n-word.  I really never understood why.  If you ask some black folks they'd probably say, "We reinvented the word and gave it a new meaning."  I personally think that's B-S.  I never tolerated being called the n-word, no matter the context and no matter the person.  As much as I love hip hop, I always try to get clean versions of everything.  I'm not always successful, but I do try.  The bottom line is that I hate the word.  I don't buy into the 'new meaning' mumbo jumbo.  It's bad enough that I hear my own people using the word.  But it's worse when I hear white people say it.  I thought Paltrow would retract the tweet or at least apologize.  However according to the Yahoo article, she defended herself by saying that she was just quoting the title of a song.

Hip hop plays a major role in the world.  Some rappers may claim that they've taken the power out of the word, but why can't they just stop using it?  We don't need hip hop artists giving white folks the green light to drop the n-bomb.  By omitting from their music, we won't have to deal with idiot comments like Paltrow's, and we won't be left dumb founded when trying to explain it to our kids.

What are your thoughts on the n-word?  Do you talk to your kids about the n-word?

Weather Anchor Mama

Do You Have to be Black & Trashy to Win an Oscar?

Only a select few have had the honor of winning an Academy Award.  Taking home the golden statue is no easy feat, especially for black women.  Let's face it, there just aren't that many roles for us in Hollywood.  Many of the films I watch mostly have an all white cast.  Sometimes, 'there's even a bit of color sprinkled in just to keep us happy' (as I like to say).  But when Halle Berry took home the Best Actress award on March 24, 2002 for her performance in "Monster's Ball," I felt like I won the darn thing.  I thought for sure it would open up so many doors for women of color in Hollywood.

However, I can't say that the flood gates have opened up for more black roles.  In fact, there is still a lot more fighting left to be done.  I feel that black women are highly overlooked when it comes to roles in Hollywood, and it makes me angry when people try to put our sistas down.  In a recent Uptown Magazine article, actress Michelle Rodriguez stated "you have to be trashy and black to get nominated. You can’t just be trashy.”  I had to read the quote a few times to make sure I didn't misunderstand the sentence.  I've seen "Monster's Ball."  While some scenes are a bit racy, I think Halle did a great job at playing Leticia.  I wouldn't consider it trashy.

Hattie McDaniel, Whoppi Goldberg, Jennifer Hudson, Mo'Nique, and Octavia Spencer have all received the Academy Award for supporting roles.

Hattie McDaniel courtesy of essence.com

Halle Berry essence.com

Whoopi Goldberg courtesy essence.com

Jennifer Hudson courtesy essence.com

Mo'Nique courtesy essence.com

Octavia Spencer courtesy essence.com

I don't recall any of their roles being trashy either.  I find it extremely disrespectful when anyone tries to diminish their hard work by saying nasty things like that.  It's just not right!  These women made history and they'll continue to pave the way for other black actresses in the future.  The first Academy Awards happened in 1929.  There have only been a few black actresses to win an Oscar.  That's sad.

My daughter will certainly learn about these historical black women who contributed to breaking down the color lines in hollywood.  Also, the important lesson here is -'don't hate...appreciate.'  It's better to give props and not try to tear others down.  Otherwise you just come off looking bitter.  That's certainly something I'll be passing on to Princess.

What do you think about Michelle Rodriguez's comment?

Weather Anchor Mama